Valheim: Valheim: The Viking’s Guide to Building, Battling, and Buffoonery

So, you’ve arrived in Valheim, and you’re probably thinking, “I’m a Viking. How hard can this be?” Well, friend, you’re about to learn that Valheim is 90% gathering resources, 10% wondering why a boar just killed you.

Your Main Tasks in Valheim:

Build a house (it’ll fall down).

Fight trolls (they’ll crush you).

Sail the seas (you’ll drown).

Gather resources (and get overencumbered).

Die in increasingly embarrassing ways.

Oh, and don’t expect a tutorial – that’s what the giant raven, Hugin, is for. He’ll give you vague advice while judging you from his perch of superiority.

When you first drop into Valheim, you’ve got nothing. No clothes, no weapons, no idea how to even make a fire. But don’t worry, your Viking instincts will kick in. Or they won’t, and you’ll die of exposure.

Step 1: Punch a Tree Every great Viking starts by going full caveman. Use your fists to punch small trees. Yes, you’re a fearsome warrior, reduced to smashing birch saplings for kindling. It’s humiliating, but necessary.

Step 2: Avoid Boars Boars are small, aggressive, and apparently trained in Viking warfare. Despite being pigs, they will destroy you. You’d think a seasoned warrior could handle a pig, but you’d be wrong.

Step 3: Don’t Set Yourself on Fire You’ll be so proud when you finally light your first campfire. Then you’ll promptly run through it like a fool and set yourself ablaze. Pro tip: fire hot. Avoid stepping on it.

At some point, you’ll decide it’s time to build a shelter. Surely, it can’t be that hard. How wrong you are. Building in Valheim is half physics experiment, half psychological test.

Step 1: Collect Wood Wood is everything in Valheim. Build a house? Need wood. Craft a weapon? Need wood. Light a fire? You get the idea. You’ll spend most of your Viking career chopping down trees and then being crushed by said trees as they fall in the most unexpected directions.

Step 2: Build a Basic Shelter You’ll probably start by throwing together a shoddy wooden hut. It won’t be pretty, and it will likely leak rainwater, but at least it’ll stop boars from killing you in your sleep. Also, make sure to build a bed to set your spawn point. Forgetting this means you’ll respawn in the middle of nowhere when (not if) you die.

Step 3: Roofs Are Important You might think, “I don’t need a roof, I’m a Viking!” but no, you do. Otherwise, your campfire won’t work, and your bed will stay soggy. A wet Viking is a sad Viking. Also, remember that your house can collapse because Valheim follows a strict physics system, meaning your poorly placed walls will buckle under the weight of your stupidity.

Combat in Valheim is less “epic Viking battle” and more “why am I on fire again?” You’ll fight everything from greylings to skeletons, all while flailing wildly at the air. Here’s what to expect:

Step 1: Get a Weapon (Any Weapon) You start off with a club that’s about as effective as a pool noodle. Don’t worry, after you die a few times, you’ll figure out how to craft something better, like an axe or a sword. Maybe even a bow, if you’re feeling fancy.

Step 2: Prepare to Miss Valheim’s combat system rewards skill. Unfortunately, you don’t have any. You’ll swing at enemies, miss horribly, and get smacked in the face by a skeleton wielding a bone club. Blocking is important, but you’ll mostly forget about it until it’s too late.

Step 3: Fear the Trolls Trolls are huge, blue, and very angry. You’ll spot one and think, “I can take it,” but the moment it starts running at you, you’ll regret every life decision. Pro tip: always run. Fighting a troll head-on is like trying to fight gravity—it’s going to win.

Death in Valheim is frequent and humiliating. Whether it’s drowning in a puddle or being clubbed to death by a particularly grumpy skeleton, you’ll die more than you care to admit.

Top Ways You’ll Die in Valheim:

Tree-Related Accidents: Chopping down a tree is a gamble. There’s a 50% chance it’ll land on you. Pro tip: run away from the falling tree.

Drowning in Two Inches of Water: Swimming in Valheim drains stamina fast. Run out of stamina? You drown. Even in shallow water. It’s embarrassing.

Boars: You thought you’d be fighting dragons, but no. Boars are the real menace. They’re the silent killers of Valheim.

Freezing to Death: Go into the mountains without proper clothing, and your Viking days will be cut short by hypothermia. Make sure to bundle up before heading to colder biomes. This is not an Arendelle Disney moment.

At some point, you’ll craft a boat and decide to explore the vast seas of Valheim. Good luck, Captain Viking! The seas are filled with storms, terrifying sea monsters, and the very high chance of you capsizing in the middle of nowhere.

Step 1: Build a Raft The raft is your first boat. It’s slow, it’s unwieldy, and it’ll make you feel like you’re riding a wooden bathtub. But hey, it’s a boat! Just don’t try crossing the open ocean in it, unless you like the idea of getting eaten by Serpents (spoiler: you don’t).

Step 2: Learn to Sail (Poorly) Sailing in Valheim is all about managing the wind. Except the wind hates you. It’ll change directions every time you need to go somewhere important. Expect to spend long stretches staring at the horizon while wondering what poor life choices led you to this watery grave.

Step 3: Fear the Ocean The ocean is beautiful… until it isn’t. Storms will toss your tiny raft around like a chew toy, and Sea Serpents will emerge from the depths, hungry for Viking snacks. Spoiler: you’re the snack.

Valheim isn’t just about chopping wood and drowning in shallow water. No, you’ve got bosses to fight! These are massive mythical creatures that require preparation, strategy, and a lot of dying before you finally succeed.

Step 1: Summon a Boss Each boss has a specific summoning ritual, which is conveniently vague. You’ll gather the necessary items, find the summoning altar, and then question every decision you’ve ever made.

Step 2: Panic The boss appears, and suddenly you realize you’re horribly underprepared. Whether it’s Eikthyr, the giant electrified stag, or Bonemass, the horrifying swamp blob, your first instinct will be to panic and run away screaming. This is a valid tactic.

Step 3: Die and Respawn Boss fights are a Viking rite of passage. You’ll die. Probably several times. But eventually, through perseverance, determination, and maybe some clever use of glitches, you’ll take down that mythical beast and bask in the glory of your hard-earned victory (or just cry quietly in a corner).

So, you’ve punched some trees, built a house (barely), fought a troll (and lost), and drowned in shallow water more times than you’d like to admit. Congratulations! You’re officially a Valheim Viking.

Remember, Valheim isn’t about winning; it’s about surviving just long enough to lose everything you worked for when a troll destroys your house. But with every failure, you’ll get a little better, a little stronger, and maybe – just maybe – one day you’ll be worthy of Odin’s hall. Or at least you’ll finally figure out how not to set yourself on fire.

Happy Viking-ing!